Like many sports fans, I’ve been following the “developing” story about the three UCLA basketball freshman athletes who created an international “Ugly American” uproar a couple of weeks ago by shoplifting designer sunglasses while in China to kick off UCLA’s current basketball pre-season (against Georgia). If somehow you managed to miss it, this shoplifting incident turned the basketball game that was the whole goodwill reason for the trip into an also ran afterthought. And why four asses? Easy. Three players and one university.

What Happened, Part One

These three punk ass, spoiled morons who apparently think they are entitled no end got it into their punk ass, spoiled brains (if they have one between the three of them) that it would be cool to steal some designer sun classes. Bad enough to do something this moronic on their own time, they chose to do it on UCLA’s time and, worse still, on the United State’s time, i.e., as representatives of UCLA and the United States.

To make matters even more stupid, one of these three stooges, LaMelo is the middle son of LaVar Ball, whose older son, Lonzo, is a rookie superstar-in-waiting of the Los Angeles Lakers, one of my all time favorite sports team desperately attempting to return to its historical NBA glory days. Mr. Ball has never seen a shoe, basketball or otherwise, that he can’t manage to put in his big mouth. (Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I think Mr. Ball does this intentionally as part of his sense of smart branding). So, Mr. Ball, when asked what he thought of his middle son being a shoplifter, responded “Ain’t no big deal.” What an example he is. No wonder his middle son might be such an idiot, and feel so entitled.

What Happened, Part Two

With an “assist” (after all, we are talking about basketball) from President Trump, who interceded with his buddy, China’ leader, these three imbeciles were turned loosed and allowed to return to the United States without being prosecuted. This was indeed a meaningful assist because these idiots were reportedly caught on video and could have been sentenced to some hard time in China, although apparently not as much as The Donald suggests in his typical theatrical exaggeration. Unable to exhibit any good taste by keeping his mouth shut, The Donald tweeted to the world what a hero he was in getting the three stooges sprung, and that he expected them to thank him profusely.

What Happened, Part Three

Thanks to UCLA, these three pathetic kids have no chance to learn from this experience. UCLA paraded our helpless heroes back in Los Angeles before the press where, in their matching designer tee shirts of UCLA’s lead sponsor, they admitted and apologized for their misdeeds. And one and all thanked The Donald. At least they had the good sense not to be wearing sunglasses. Are we nauseous yet?

If not, wait, it gets worse. UCLA announced at the same press conference that the three numbskulls are suspended from UCLA “indefinitely.” Translation: What UCLA means is until its actual season gets underway in a month or two. UCLA blew the chance to do these kids any good or, for that matter, to do itself any good.

What UCLA should have done was to say to these young thugs:

You’re suspended for at least one year. You won’t play for UCLA during the current season. Period. You won’t be allowed to practice with the team during the current season.

You will retain your scholarship for the current year. If you want to be reinstated for the following year, you will go to classes and you will maintain at least a C grade point. Fail to do that, you will not ever be reinstated at UCLA and you will lose your scholarship at the end of the one year.

Want to transfer to another school? God speed.

What Happened, Part Four

Can you believe this story is still going on? It is. Enter two more jackasses. I’ll call these two jackasses only because they’re too old to be called punk asses.

After the press conference, Mr. Ball was asked what he thought of President Trump’s intervention on behalf of his son and the other two UCLA freshmen. Papa moron, not knowing when to leave his “brand” at home, said “Who?” No one gets the last word on The Donald, who tweeted back, “I should have left them in China.”

Asked what he thought of all this nonsense, Steve Kerr, coach of the NBA defending champion Golden State Warriors, said this is nothing more than two people who like the attention. Added Kerr, “wouldn’t it be nice if our media stopped paying them all that attention?”

It sure would. And wouldn’t it be nice if UCLA woke up and did the right thing by these three punk ass spoiled morons–to let them know they are not entitled after all. Not likely.

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