I don’t write Vampire tales, but I thought I would make an exception. Just this once. I promise.

cartoon stick person dracula

Once upon a time, a young man and woman on a get acquainted date were having coffee at a local spot in D.C.

Said the young man to the young woman, “I once met a young man filled with wonder and enthusiasm about the goodness of our country. He was full of ambition. He wanted to run for public office and serve the people. He was honest and he was pure. He wanted to lead by example. He wanted to make a difference.”

“Sounds nice,” said the young woman. “Did it work out?”

“Not really.”
“Oh, that’s too bad, what happened?”

“Well, he announced that he was running for Congress. He assembled a campaign team and ran on a platform of ‘truth in politics.’ There would be no exceptions, he said. Across the land, word spread near and far. Soon, legions were united behind the young man, and he was easily elected over his veteran opponent.

“He arrived in Washington, full of vim and vigor. Ready to contribute. He signed up for a bunch of Committees and was raring to go.”

“Sounds great,” the young woman asked. What Committee assignments did he get?”

“He didn’t get any.”

None?” Why not?”

“Well, he actually received several invitations. But each one came with strings attached.”

“What kind of strings?”

“Each Committee Chair gave him a long list of conditions to his appointment.”

“What kind of conditions?”

“You know, he would have to agree to do this and to do that.”

“Didn’t he expect that with the Committee appointments would come Committee tasks? I thought you said he was full of unbridled enthusiasm.”

“He was. The problem was that the conditions had nothing to do with the purposes of the Committee. And they weren’t favorable to his constituents. They weren’t even favorable to the constituents of the Committee Chairs.”

“Oh, I see. So, what did he do?”

“He went straight to the Chair of his Party and complained.”

“Did that help?”

“Not really. The Party Chair just told him a story.”

“A story? What kind of a story.”

“It was about a Vampire.”

“A Vampire?”

“Seems there was a young Congressman, also very enthusiastic, out for a walk when he came upon a disheveled man lying along the side of the road, obviously on his last leg. ‘What happened?,’ asked the Congressman. ‘Things have been really slow,’ answered the Vampire. The long and the short of it was the Congressman took the Vampire home and nursed him back to health.”


“As soon as the Vampire recovered, he bit the Congressman on the neck, and sucked out all the Congressman’s blood. As he lay dying, the Congressman asked the Vampire ‘How could you do this to me after I saved your life and nursed you back to health?’ The Vampire simply responded ‘Because I’m a Vampire, that’s what Vampires do.’”

“Why did the Party Chair tell that story to your Congressman friend?”

“My friend asked his Party Chair the same question. The Party Chair answered ‘If you want to get ahead here in Washington politics, you have to watch out for and get along with all the blood sucking Vampires around here. It’s just the way it is, the way it’s always been and the way it always will be.’”

“So, what happened to your friend, and what was his name?”

“Hmm, don’t remember his name. He didn’t last.”

You probably want to know how my story about the young couple ended. Turned out to be their first and last date. When they finished their coffee, the young woman leaned into the young man and kissed him on the neck. You know the rest. That’s just the way it goes in D.C.


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